Thursday Thirteen#3 - NaBloPoMo#30

Thirteen Books that have inspired and influenced me:

1. The Continuum Concept: In Search of Happiness Lost (Classics in Human Development) by Jean Liedloff
2. Learning All the Time by John Holt
3. Ishmael: An Adventure of the Mind and Spirit by Daniel Quinn
4. Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher
5. Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with by Rosenberg Marshall
6. Parent Effectiveness Training : The Proven Program for Raising Responsible Children by Thomas Gordon
7. Buddha Never Raised Kids & Jesus Didn't Drive Carpool: Seven Principles for Parenting with Soul by Vickie Falcone
8. Hold On to Your Kids : Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers by Gordon Neufeld
9. Unconditional Parenting : Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason by Alfie Kohn
10. Spiral Dance Starhawk
11. When God Was a Woman Merlin Stone
12. The Dance of Intimacy: A Woman's Guide to Courageous Acts of Change in Key Relationships Harriet Lerner
13. The Teenage Liberation Handbook: How to Quit School and Get a Real Life and Education Grace Llewellyn

Happy Mother's Day

I didn't realize how many of these mother picture I have here include breasts. I was shocked myself. I'm posting this anyway because I truly believe that breast are more than actually, MUCH more than something sexual. Breasts contain a magic elixir than not only feeds our babies but it calms them and nurtures them.

Here's a visual feast honoring all the mothers I know

A sculpture given to me by a friend that represents Gaia, Mother Earth, mother of us all:



A mural I found when Stephen and I lived near San Francisco. I was pregnant at the time with my first, Jade. This mural really touched me because it celebrates life, children, mothering.




Using the above photo I made this Art Trading Card

Celebrate Mothers - Celebrate Life



And a re-run picture here to all the moms who are nursing and nursed your kids. More power to yah! Got milk?

Life...Lots of Learning

Life...Lots of Learning

I'm feeling a bit guilty that my last blog post was so long ago but I have been busy with my new love, crocheting. I've made myself a crocheted jacket and I just finished a sweater for friend's baby. I will post some pictures soon to my flicker account. Now, I am making some Celtic Cross squares to make a poncho for myself. Jade wants me to make sweaters for her dolls and baby blankets too.

I have also been doing lots of reading mostly slogging through Peaceful Parenting for a Peaceful World by Robin Grille. If you want an easy this is not it. Some parts are very difficult to read and quite disturbing. Yet it is filled with some amazing information and lots of research and out right support for breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby- wearing and working with your kids rather than using punitive discipline. So if you like detail this is it.

If you want and easier read try Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort. I AM really enjoying her book. It has me reconnecting with my goal to be on my children's side, TRUST them, and know that their emotions are not them, that validating what they are feeling helps them not to learn to be better people but it helps them know who THEY ARE. Listening to my kids can be very hard for me sometimes because it physically hurts me when they hurt emotionally and I can tend toward wanting to fix it so the hurting stops for me. Aldort reminds me to separate my hurt from theirs and let them be.

Jade and I are reading together Just Ella a different take on the Cinderella story which has me thinking of the song by Suzy Boggus "Hey, Hey Cinderella what's the story all about? ....Does the shoe fit you now?" Jade has also been listening to Ella Enchanted another Cinderella story over and over again. Ella, in Ella Enchanted, has a curse that she has to do whatever anyone commands her to do, a curse of obedience. I wonder what Jade sees in this book. We are not raising our children with obedience.

Today, Jade and Corbin were talking about if we had more gravity on this planet they would weigh more. Which had me doing a little snoopy dance in my mind and wondering where the heck did they learn that?

Jade is in the kitchen right now making quesadillas herself and her brother. As she went in to the kitchen to make them she said, "I’ll make them, Corbin, you don't even have to lift a finger." Then Corbin preceded to life his finger in the living room while I was working on a pair of nun chucks Corbin asked me to help him make.

Corbin has been doing a lot with legos lately too. He likes to combine bionicle pieces with other lego sets. He also likes to take a part lego people and put them back together.

Now its' time help Jade Bake a cake and tonight I look forward to seeing the moms in my homeschool group, chat, and eat some good food.

More on Thankfulness

Sometimes I can get into a negative cycle of what’s wrong. When will I get better at keeping my routine, write with greater ease, stay calmer when the kids are frustrated, keep a cleaner house. Or I ask myself when will the kids keep their rooms clean, do more for them selves, contribute to keeping the house in order, talk quieter.

When I focus on all of these negative thoughts I miss so many of the good things like the cool projects the kids are working on or their excitement with a new game. There is even beauty behind all of the things I am frustrated about. My kids are loud because they are happy and excited about life.

In July I bought a journal and some fun colorful pens. I wrote what I was thankful for at the end of the day but sometimes I wrote down things at anytime. A few of my old entries from July:

I love riding my new bike and the new baskets.
Now, I can bike to the store.

Harvested some green beans from my garden.

It was hard at first because I would come up with reasons to discount my thankfulness. “You harvested those green beans but you didn’t cook anything with them yet.” “So what if you’re happy with your new bike you have counter full of dirty dishes in the kitchen.” When I turned off the little devil on my shoulder, it got easier and I got more peace and joy.

But I have gotten out of the thankfulness habit and I have gotten out of sorts. I haven’t written anything down since July. I know if I keep up with the thankfulness I feel better and more optimistic. I can see that I am getting things done, rather than all the things I’m not getting anything done.

I want to get back into being thankful again, everyday. I just might add some thankfulness to all my posts. Maybe that’s all I will post about some days, what I am thankful for. Thankfulness journals are like an emotional insurance policy for the days that everywhere I turn I might see pile of laundry to fold, legos strewn on the floor, or the kitchen counters covered with dirty dishes.

When I’m thankful, I can tackle those dishes with much greater joy. I can ask the kids more calmly to turn down the TV or find something else for us all to do that would be quieter. More importantly, I can see more clearly the joy in our house and the smiles on everyone’s face.

If you want to start a thankfulness journal consider reading Buddha Never Raised Kids & Jesus Didn't Drive Carpool: Seven Principles for Parenting with Soul by Vickie Falcone or Simple Abundance Gratitude Journal and A Daybook of Comfort and Joy both by Sarah Ban Breathnach. Or just do it. Find ways to make it fun for you, maybe that's fun pens or using the computer.

Don't forget to tell the devil on your shoulder to keep quiet.

Killing Monsters: why children need fantasy

Because I value peace, I have had a guarded trust that my son Corbin's desire for toy weapons and action figures is valuable for his emotional growth. When his action figures and toy weapons inspire “let’s kick some butt fantasy play” my trust can wane but Killing Monsters: why fantasy matters by Gerard Jones has inspired greater trust in my sons fantasy play. I see more clearly why all children and teens are drawn to toy weapons, graphic video games and gangster rap.

Jones helped me look past the fear mongering about violent looking fantasy play and see the child’s side. When he spoke with Adults who as teens explored the dark side of life through Goth culture, punk music or games, so many said the violence in a movie or a song reflected the feelings that they experienced and offered them solace. They felt heard and understood so then they felt better and calmer. He debunks that children are drawn to the violence because they want to be violent. They are drawn to it to understand it and get passed it.

Although Corbin has considerable freedom he has several obstacles to overcome such as learning to swim, learning to sleep by himself, and to read fluently before he can be a more independent person. I can see more clearly that his fascination with toy weapons or super heroes is an expression of his need to be in control of his own destiny.

So a few days ago I let go of my inhibitions, judgments, and concerns to play "kill the bad guys" with Corbin. We made guns and knives from K'nex. We were a secret police force that didn't play by the rules. My son said "There are rules but WE don’t play by them." So we went on an imaginary killing spree to get rid of the "bad guys" in our house. I could see a son who was so happy enjoying the power in him self. Then I remembered how I felt when Sara Connor kicked the Terminator’s butt, I felt strong and powerful. I felt safe.

Memory Lane

Memory Lane

So how does it feel to have a 10 year old?

I feel

AMAZED
FLABBERGASTED
INCREDULOUS
FLOORED
WOWED
TICKLED
SCARED
EXCITED

I feel amazed she was ever so little, so tiny, so fragile. My 10 yearold is solid and strong. I still see her smile and joy in her face as a baby and now as a child but a child almost as big as an adult.

In some ways I do feel sad she is growing up because I wish I had more time to enjoy all of her stages and all the transitions. And I feel excited that she is getting older. Looking through old photos I was reminded of the little toddling Jade and now I get to know the big grown up Jade.

Looking through the photos I am reminded of the miracle of life, of birth, of growing, and learning. It's just damn amazing.

So go kiss your kids and smell that baby smell if you still have a baby. Give them a hug. Enjoy their exuburance and their passion for life.

Have a Wonder Filled Day!